to eriko 7

this weekend i found out im having a baby - currently at 5.5 weeks along. of all things that would happen to me this month, this would have been the last thing i expected. but of course this comes as a most pleasant surprise.

i circle it back to the man above again. he takes a precious life away from me in mid december and lets me ride through all the emotions of seeing a loved one wither before my eyes. the world with orange sun rays and clear blue skies nearly came to an end for me. but as i bid farewell to one life, i am given another life to welcome into my life. tell me, is this the most beautiful prank you have ever heard of?

since i learned of this news, all i can think of is you, eriko. this baby represents life and hope to me. this baby is a gift to me from you, and from all the miraculous energy in this world to symbolize that hope never dies. regardless of what we lose, what we go through, and how much pain we suffer, hope is the only constant that lives all around us.

i know its too early to be overly excited during the early weeks of pregnancy, but i am excited for this baby. this should be a september baby like you. i have these crazy ideas that perhaps this baby will be born on your birthday, and may even have the slightest chance of resembling your personality.

i love you eriko. the past few nights all i can think about is how i would have asked you to be my baby's god mother if you were still here. or how i would have sent my baby to japan during the summers to learn japanese with you. and finally ... i keep thinking about how i would have surprised you with with my answer when you blurted out, "do you have a baby yet?" during my last visit.

it makes me wonder ... did you already see this coming ? 

eriko, i want to protect this baby and my womb with all my might and strength. i will give this baby, and this pregnancy my all. this will be a healthy baby. this September baby will be my baby of hope, courage, and strength - exactly everything you embody. i love you so much eriko. you remind me that life is a circle always and ever changing. the only constants in life are hope, strength and courage, and with these we should live life to the fullest and live it with all your might while we still can.

for you, i will live better. i will make you so proud.